35 & Awesome

Tomorrow is my 35th birthday, and I'm going to level with you: the mental prep for it wasn't going well at all.

Now, to be clear, I'm the type of person who loves my birthday. For me, it's a box of new crayons, freshly sharpened and waiting to bring more color to the blank page. It's the mark of another year on this planet for love, enthusiasm, adventure, laughter, music and dancing. Plus, it's a day about me, how could this little princess NOT love that?

However, this year was a little rough. I mean, 35 isn't a surprise to me... I have this habit of claiming my upcoming age about six months before my birthday. (Apparently, my grandfather did the same thing and when he died on his birthday, we fondly joke that we're not sure if he was 76, 77 or 78.) So really, I've been 35 since about May of this year. But, there was something jarring that hit me when I took a moment to make the connection:

I was going to be 35. How did that happen? What have I been doing these past few years? 35 used to be so old! My life doesn't look anything like I thought it would at this age. What was it supposed to look like? What if I don't know? What if I never know?

The storm clouds formed in my mind and the forecast didn't look good. My birthday was coming and I began to prepare for what I was sure was going to be a post-quarter life and pre-mid life crisis of epic proportions. Fortunately, the calmer side of my early 30's self intervened. (Who knew life didn't have to be so dramatic, eh?)

This notion of being stressed out for turning 35 was coming from a place that was so pre-occupied with the things that I hadn't accomplished yet and my perceived shortcomings. Time just feels different now and it goes by so quickly that it was making me stop and wonder if there ever could be enough time to do anything at all.

But the truth is that I have had time. 35 years of it in fact. And looking back, every second has been a gift. Regretfully, there have been times that I have wasted...and times that I've wrestled every drop of life out the moments I've lived through. There have been times when I didn't prioritize what was important and I've hurt people that I love. Thankfully, there have also been times that were so beautiful that they took my breath away. I've had adventures and traveled. I've built not-for-profits and community organizations with some really talented people. I've taught classes, given speeches, run half marathons, learned to play instruments and speak other languages. I've made memories with friends and families as we created and kept traditions alive. At different times, I've said 'no' and 'yes' and have had my life significantly changed by those responses.

So, as I lay my head down on the eve of tomorrow, I'm reminded of the gift that tomorrow really is. And not just because it's a day special to me. My birthday, just like every day that I have, is another chance to take this human life and make something amazing out of it; to make it awesome.

So, for the 35th year of my life, that's exactly what I intend to do. Tomorrow begins the Year of Awesome and just to make it fun and celebrate, I've decided to intentionally plan and do 35 unique awesome things throughout the course of the year. (Don't worry, I will be posting pictures for you to follow along.) These things will range from the small to the large, the random to the bizarre, but all of them will be that box of new crayons to cover the world with color and life.

Get ready 35-- I've decided that you are going to be Awesome.

#birthday #awesome