What starts with a P... and ends with rocrastination??

Originally written for the View From the Polish Amazon blog Sunday, December 3, 2006

What starts with a P... and ends with rocrastination??

I'd let you guess, but this is a written dialogue... So, for those of you playing the home version-- it's what I'm doing right now. PROCRASTINATION.

Who knew that Master level Statistics was so hard? Or that I would have trouble with it? Or would have two papers and a presentation to prepare for tomorrow's class? I did... or rather, I found out pretty damn quick.

Okay, so this could be seen as a b*tch-fest, but I see it as a comedy routine and a learning experience... so let me make a couple of jokes and share with you my top ten jewels of wisdom and then I'll move onto finishing my work...

1st piece of wisdom: Young grasshoppers-- don't wait to the last minute. Even if you think that you are working constantly at the project all the time-- believe me.... if you aren't ahead of the game- you are behind. Because eventually you'll have questions and your professor will be unavailable as he's sitting at home with his cat Ming-Ming and watching Jackie Chan movies drinking chamomile tea.

TWO: Statistics is a foreign language-- treat it as such. I would recommend a good-looking tutor (not that I got one). I would also recommend getting some smart nerd to sit next to you in class-- they are really smart and for some reason always understand this B.S.

THREE: Always know the operating hours of all of the computer labs on campus-- especially when the project requires you to use a $200 program that you refuse to buy for one semester. It's a b*tch trekking through campus when it's dark, snowing and dimly lit around campus looking for an open lab and free computer.

FOUR: (see number 3 before reading): DON'T MAKE FRIENDS WITH THE CREEPY GUY WANTING TO HELP YOU FIND A COMPUTER LAB. HE'S HOMELESS AND ONLY TRYING TO ROB YOU..... or worse.

FIVE: Nominal variables cannot be tested the same way that Interval-Ratio variables can. I would recommend using Pearson's Coefficient Correlation tests for the interval-ratio variables after recoding them with numbers.

SIX: If you did not find #5 helpful- don't worry-- I didn't either and I took the damn Stats class.

SEVEN: If the guy with greasy long hair next to you makes a comment of correction on your paper, don't get upset- He's only trying to help you. He spends a lot of time on his computer and that's why you can't see his fingers when he types because he's just that fast! (He found three errors on my powerpoint... Yay for nerds!!!

EIGHT: Wear comfortable clothes (preferably really old sweat pants) when you are working on school work. That way, if you are ridiculously good-looking like myself, you won't have to worry about ridiculously good-looking young men hitting on you. Sigh... it's so annoying isn't it??

NINE: "No drinks, food or tobacco in the computer labs at any time." They are serious about this so follow the rules! ... Funny.... they didn't say anything about pets. Yes, young grasshoppers, they said nothing of the sort... please feel free to bring dogs, cats, gerbils and that sort of thing. And make sure to set them up at the computer next to you, so if they spontaneously grow opposable thumbs and could operate the mouse and complete their homework as well. and finally...

TEN: Young grasshoppers, if you don't get anything else from this whole list-- this is the most important. I want to you remember this if you remember nothing else...

What? NO WAY!!!

Sorry-- gotta jet-- I just spotted the vending machines---

From an excursion in our family cruise to the Bahamas. I was either behind the camera or posing ridiculously. There typically is no in-between.